‘Who’, or let’s say even ‘what’, is a Facebook friend? Are any of these virtual friends co-terminous with real friends – those one has something in common with, sharing interests whether they be Neapolitan opera or Mongolian horsemanship, or who one helps or been helped by whether these be laying concrete or sharing grief. Those beings, in other words, that one may go further with than just by switching on the laptop and clicking on their name to find out what they have been up to. Rather those persons one is willing go out of one’s way to meet and share very special quality time.

In the manner of Venn diagrams not all my real friends are Facebook friends and not all my Facebook friends are real friends. In fact, the numbers of Facebook friends who are real friends constitute probably less than a thousand’s part of the combined total of facebook and real friends.
Who are real friends anyway? I think we would be very lucky to count more than a handful of friends we could really trust to be friends in the full sense of the word: i.e. those who we can trust and confide in and, as importantly, those who trust and confide in us.
Real friends, anyway, are rarely for keeps. The literary world is filled with instances of once supposedly immortal friendships which have gone astray: the poet Thomas Gray and the letter-writer, gothic novelist and antiquarian Horace Walpole, the poet Alexander Pope and Lady Mary Wortley Montagu and, particularly painful, Samuel Johnson’s break with Mrs Thrale.
As Johnson wrote in his essay on friendship:
“Friendship has other enemies. Suspicion is always hardening the cautious, and disgust repelling the delicate. The most fatal disease of friendship is gradual decay, or dislike hourly increased by causes too slender for complaint, and too numerous for removal.”
Now that is truly the nitty-gritty of friendships: the fear of a ‘gradual decay’ in the relationship. And the greatest friendship can without question lead to the greatest decline of that friendship. The summit of all friendships and collaborations that are included in the fullest sense of the word ‘love’ – indeed a love supreme – is, of course, marriage. Well-prepared those, therefore, who awkwardly find that decay has set in their relationship and take steps to separate from each other in mutual friendship rather than acrimonious and expensive divorce. For marriage, whether it is sanctioned by the church or whether it be the natural nuptial of true minds is never to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly.

A breaking up of a friendship outside the sphere of marriage is regrettably yet another sort of divorce and, unlike many divorce proceedings, may take place rather more quickly. I’ve been spending time going over my photographs and every now and then come across a snap that makes me want to gasp in shock or even disgust. How could I have possibly been friends with this person? Could I not have seen how keen they were merely to possess me, use me, and take me over for their own egotistical aims? What did they actually teach above positive qualities that should be present in any amity? Just by obsessing about a friendship that has decayed, or even more than decayed festered into grave-yard like decomposition I corner myself into an attitude which shuns any sort of friendship because any sort of friendship could end abruptly – and the end of any friendship is sad at the very least.
The only true friends in this world apart from those of us lucky enough to have found a loving spouse are for me to be found in the miracles of nature and the family of other animals. I count among my best friends the magnificently regal chestnut tree that graces the entrance gates to my estate. At dawn the song of birds awakens me to a new dawn full of golden promises. Through the dangers of the night I am kept safe by the tweets of little owls. And the morning gusts of fresh forest air blowing through my windows awaken me more warmly than any cup of caffè macchiato.
So where do friends come in? Where can such transient phenomena find a place in our lives? I don’t quite know. I don’t quite know whether I have said too much about myself to friends or too little. I don’t know whether my questions to them have been too inquisitive or not. Curiosity can lead to greater knowledge. Greater knowledge can lead to greater familiarity. A greater familiarity can lead to…well we all know where that can lead to.

All things pass away. That is the great theme of life and its simplest, yet most difficult, lesson to learn for us mortals. Clashing continuously between the delusion that one lives for ever, indeed that one is immortal, living near the sad reality of the charnel-house, the disintegrating tombstone, the strangulation of the ivy and the putrefying graveyard we stand with our feet on each side of a chasm which is ever widening, with tremors: at first small and barely felt to grander quakes that extend the gap beneath our bodies, wider and wider until one day, barely aware of what is occurring until it is far too late, we fall into that chasm, into that brimless void which swallows up all our beings, all our thoughts, all our lives, all our affections and all the friendships we believed in and are then enfolded by the different exospheres of a planet we have never seen before, whose light has never illuminated us, whose topography we have never trodden on, whose transcendence beyond all human thought is the purest distillation of everlasting light itself:
SOWERS OF THE SYSTEM
I can face you here and kiss your red lips
pouting with death’s sensual desire. I touch
your golden waterfall of hair, the tips
of your nipples – I now love you so much!
I’ve had enough of our modern image
with its isms and lack of indulgence.
Only your weald of symbols will assuage
my thirst for the meaning of when? and whence?
The vast words: despair, destiny and hope,
time and judgement, the sea of lost mankind –
witnesses to your omnipresent scope –
are dyed with the last sun’s hues in my mind.
They mantle me in the casts of the night
and point to the celestial city’s light.
FP











































































































































